Sometimes life feels stuck.
Sometimes it feels like it has been flipped upside down or gone sideways or we have fallen through the looking glass and wonder where the he** am I now?How did I get here?

Sometimes we identify with the job, relationship, goal, peak experience, wish, need, want, garden, chore etc. so much that we forget who we are.

This is a profound forgetting- that we really are bigger than any role we take on, any desire, emotion or habit. We are more than our bodies, our diseases, our fear of diseases, our politics, our neurosis, our families… we..YOU in fact, are _made of great stuff- and that stuff..that Self can hold and experience everything that comes your way..good and bad..happy and sad…

We are human animals
AND
spirit in bodies
AND
none of these things.

Our lives are made of flesh and bone.Instinct. Drives. Personal histories, stories of our birth, growing up, lives we have lead.

Joy and grief.
Loves gained and lost.

Our lives are made of current lived experiences of houses, apartments- where do we call home? How we support our selves and others through jobs and work. How do we make our way in the world of RIGHT NOW carrying the past with us. Sometimes lightly, like a tethered helium filled balloon. Sometimes a weighted sack filled with stones.

And our lives can be-

Synthesis.
Integration.
Redemption. Rebuilding.
Re-parenting. Re-educating.
Finding meaning. Creating meaning.
Balance.
Acceptance. Change.
Awareness. Inclusion.
Both/And.

We can have our whole lives..an authentic accounting of our time spent on this journey.

But to have our lives sometimes it seems as if we have to fight for it, sometimes cry for it, sometimes laugh till we feel we will burst for it, sometimes do nothing..surrender to the truth of our lived lives.

It seems to  imply that with enough love the bad goes away.  Simple enough.

But isn’t that what we have always done?  Use love or love substitutes to make the bad go away?

• If I don’t think about it and watch enough tv it will stop hurting.
• If I forgive enough it won’t hurt anymore and I’ll forget about it
• If I confess enough I’ll be forgiven and the guilt will stop.
• If I push it down long enough, with enough effort the shame will stop, the tears will stop, the loneliness will stop…

• If I do my job well enough, get another degree, take another class, have one more drink..

Or the big one-

• If I love someone else enough and they love me enough it will all go away!

We try many ways to have an experience of love given to us that makes the hell go away.

But-

What if we are to love the hell IN us?

Me. Loving the hell IN ME.  You.  Loving the hell IN YOU?

What if we are the light come to heal/save the world- and that world is inside us?

In the light our demons become sad/scared children.  Rebelling teens.  Anxious critics trying to protect us from making mistakes.  An entire cast of characters who at times act out and we say-“I can’t believe I just did that!”

We are Called to LOVE. It is us.  It is ours.  It is ours to extend.  We feel it in moments when we are helping others.  We feel it when we see something beautiful.  In those moments there are flashes that LOVE is here!  But it was not outside- it was within- waiting to be expressed into the world.

The invitation– Can we extend love to those parts of us that have been cast into darkness-told they were unfit, worthless, clumsy, stupid, too sensitive, too smart, a show off..to those parts that suffer..that hold our pain?

Let us invite all these parts to sit with us at the Table of Love.

Let us sit.  Rest.  Listen.  Make amends.  Be accountable.   Cry.  Celebrate.  Laugh.  Create.

Let there be no strangers at this table.

We are a gracious host and offer hospitality to all who sit with us.

We are Aware-we listen, attend, are present.  We are Will-we choose, we stay, we question.  We are Love.

In this moment it is clear.  We can free or condemn, to heal or curse, to welcome or to cast back out into darkness any or all who are here with us.

Here we are– at the table with those seated- we witness them in their pain/relief, their sadness/joy, their anger/peace, anxiety/excitement..our pain/relief, our sadness/joy, our anger/peace…

We see gifts, paths, choices, experiences, children who need loving nurturing parents, teens who crave acceptance, “loners” longing to be part of a community, critics who want permission to be imperfect…

We know we must make a choice- and we extend LOVE to what was once the darkest place in us.

And the darkest place within us experiences its first of many many sunrises..

And we choose-

to love the hell in us.  At last.